“Fat Mama”

Mom they call you “The Fat Mama”

If that title grabbed you right in the chest like a stolen breath of air… I get it. Used to do the same to me. As I sat next to my daughter tonight she told me that the neighborhood boys (her brother’s friends) had nicknamed me “Fat Mamma.” I rolled laughing and said but “I am fat and I love my fat body.” She smiled knowing that what was deemed an insult at her about me had no power over me. She drifted off to sleep in my arms and I sank into the most compassionate part of me… one that I always have space for related to children and my body. 

They are the most curious subjects in the observation of life. I am by far not a perfect parent of these curious subjects. We work really hard to break cycles and have a home that our children can feel heard, safe and has structure to support that safety. We acknowledge our language and try to be mindful about judgments and stigmas we have towards other humans. These curious subjects called children are always watching and listening which led me to the conclusion I see often in my life and practice: fatphobia. Fatphobia and fat stigma welded the nickname deemed an insult, the children were merely the vessel it came out of. 

I proceeded to text my partner about the comment and asked him to have a conversation with our other child about these comments from the friends. Not to shame his friends but to ask my son if there were nicknames he gives and why. More than likely any observations from our child about phobias or stigmas that we may have said would be transferred in the same way the fatphobia had been through his friends’ nickname for me.

My nickname says a lot more about stigma and fear in society and homes than it does about me in my container…. and I get it…I once was afraid to be fully in this body. 

**Art project for this week… make a fat momma shirt then ask those kiddos if I can give them a big, fat Hug.